Barrytale
by FlareWick999
Summary: Barry Jerkman is a hired killer, and a veteran in a human war. He is not human though, he is a jigsawry. Barry lives in a time where humans and monsters co-exist on the Surface. Barry is not happy, and he doesn't quite realize he is content with his life until he meets the people of a role-playing class. The story is loosely based off of the TV Show titled Barry.
1. Chapter 1: Barry

Chapter 1: Barry.

Barry walked into the foyer, and looked at the scene.

His mark apparently had a vendetta and left the party that was still brewing right down the street. The hotel was closed, but it seems that Mr. Zark knew a thing or two about locks. Now someone lay dead on the carpeted floor.

Is was not a regular night-shift worker, but a human who looked suspiciously like a gangster.

"Remember, don't let your mark make it to the hotel," Fishy had told him.

Well it seemed that Barry had already failed that, but when he had arrived at the raging party Mr. Zark had already fled. That froggit drove like a madhuman and it was hard to keep up.

Barry heard banging from somewhere further inside.

"OPEN UP YOU FOUL ELEVATOR!" Mr. Zark yelled.

Apparently he wasn't very smart.

Barry crept silently toward the noise, and eventually made it to his mark.

Mr. Zark wore red pajamas, and a bowler hat. He looked incredibly silly, and he was steaming mad.

"Why won't the elevator work!" He yelled. "Just because it's closed doesn't mean the elevator mustn't function!"

Barry aimed down the sight of his silenced pistol, and fired a bullet into the froggit's brain.

!

Barry dropped the body into the pool of one of Mr. Zark's vengeful neighbors. The neighbor who owned the massive pool was a pompous rich brat that always insulted Zark for being a painter.

Well, the thing about Mr. Zark being a painter was false. He killed two baby monsters and may have molested them, while he was supposedly busy painting. The world was safer now that Zark was dead.

Barry fled the scene, and stopped by a restaurant that was opened 24 hours on weekends. Barry came here often.

Barry walked in, and unsurprisingly no one was here to take orders. It was usually like that; the place was unpopular and the workers usually took very long breaks during this time.

Barry came here often, because there was a mirror propped up on the wall left of the entrance.

Barry looked at himself. He was a purple jigsawry with baseball cap. Not much to look at. He looked like a normal guy.

Barry sat down, and just stared at himself for a while. He wasn't sure why he was, or what he thought might change.

It was just him. Someone sad but with a noble purpose.

Barry got out of his trance. For some reason he wasn't interested in staring at himself anymore.

_Noble purpose._

Barry walked out of restaurant quickly, unsure at what was bothering him but determined to get away nonetheless.

"Hey, sir."

Barry stopped, and turned around.

A monster that looked much like a white rabbit was looking at him.

"Were you waiting?" She asked. "Sorry I was on break, and nobody usually comes here."

Barry was silent for a little while, and then he spoke.

"It's fine, I wasn't ordering."

Barry walked away, and had no plans to return.


	2. Chapter 2: Fooks

Chapter 2: Fooks.

Fooks looked at his watch again.

"He should be here any minute now," Fooks said to the burly man beside him. The man was Fishy, a tough mobster that apparently had very little personnel working for him currently.

"Yes, forgive me if I seem impatient," Fishy said.

Fooks and Fishy both were sitting on a bench together at a bus stop. Fooks was a human in his thirties and with a very handsome face. His hair was brown and neat. Fooks currently wore sandals, short pants, and a short-sleeved shirt.

"Where did you say you found him again?" Fishy asked.

"He was the brother of a good friend, and I took him in," Fooks said. "He fought in a war between the humans, and he came back a different person." Fooks smiled. "The perfect kind for jobs like these."

Fishy smiled as well.

A loud crash sounded behind them, and they quickly looked behind them.

"Who put a empty trashcan in this bush?" Barry asked to no one in particular, as he emerged from the bushes that lay behind the bench.

"It's done?" Fishy asked.

"Yes, uh, it was in the local news," Barry said.

"Good!" Fishy said, and he clapped. He turned to Fooks. "Let's go to my place and we will give you the reward."

!

The house was a simple and nice place. Fishy's sister handed everyone drinks and snacks.

Fishy laid a suitcase on the table and opened it up. There was the 10,000 D they were promised.

"Thanks, pal," Fooks said, as he closed and pulled the case to him.

"No problem," Fishy said.

"Um, one of your guys got killed," Barry said.

"Yes, yes," Fishy said. "You mentioned that, but he couldn't have been saved. I was also going to fire him anyway."

Barry didn't say anything more.

"Hey," Fishy said. "You should make a deal with Moron Paasar. He's got lots of money and could use someone like Barry."

"Ooo," Fooks said. " I think we will check him out."

They all stood up, the deal was settled and the food was eaten, it was time to go separate ways. Fooks and Fishy shook hands, they both had smiles on their faces.

!

"Barry... BARRY!" Fooks urged.

Barry slowly got up from his sleeping position on his bed.

"Yes?" Barry asked.

"I just got off the phone with some guy named MoVo Feige," Fooks said. "Let's take a bus to California. We should leave right now."

"Another job?" Barry asked.

"Yes, and they will provide your weapons, so you can leave your Glock behind."

"It's a Beethoven 97," Barry said.

"Oh, that's what I meant," Fooks said.

Barry didn't ask anymore questions. When Fooks said they were doing something that meant it was happening.

!

"We're here!" Fooks yelled.

Barry awoke, and he looked around. Monsters and humans we getting out of the bus in a line.

"How long did it take?" Barry asked.

"It took only an hour," Fooks said.

"An hour? That fast?"

"It's a fast bus," Fooks only said.

They walked out of the bus.

"Hey, guys!" A cheerful red petaled flower called to them; he was smiling. "It's me, MoVo Feige."

"Oh," Fooks said. "I didn't know you were meeting us."

"I wasn't," Feige said. "I was just strolling by and I saw two people that matched the descriptions I was given. Shall I take you to Moron?"

"Yes please," Fooks said.

"Then follow me," the friendly flower said, and started off in a direction.

!

Feige knocked on a door of a very nice looking place.

"Oh, Moron!" Feige practically sang.

The door opened, and a brown dog walked out.

"Feige! You brought our guests I see," Moron said.

"Yes," Feige said cheerfully, stretching the word out.

"You must be Moron Paasar," Fooks said, extending his hand.

Moron put out his right paw. "True, now let's go inside and talk business."


	3. Chapter 3: Rian Johnson

Chapter 3: Rian Johnson.

The inside was lustrous and vibrant. It rang of the look of a good home. Such a home must be described.

"Let's sit at The Table," Moron said, pointing a paw at a large brown table with a flower vase with a sign on it that read: The Table. It unclear if the large table was indeed The Table, or if the vase was.

The four of them sat at The and Fooks sat across from Moron and Feige. Barry thought they were in the middle of the whole abode; it made perfect sense.

"We are in the middle of the house," Feige said.

"Obviously," Moron said.

Barry thought Moron's voice sounded like a gruff orc that drank vodka, while Feige's voice sounded of a singing butterfly that danced in a divine party.

Barry was glad he didn't speak his thoughts out loud, because the attention would turn to him; not what any assassin wanted.

"There is some doofus prick that I want dead," Moron said.

_I've heard this before,_ thought Barry.

"I want Barry to stab this hideous man in the balls with a dull knife," Moron stated.

Fooks turned to Barry.

"Um, sure," Barry said, not feeling very sure. "I haven't done that before, but sure. What does he look like?"

"He looks like this," Moron said, as Feige handed Barry a photo of the mark.

"It looks so blurry," Barry said.

"Well, that's enough right?" Feige asked. "You can figure out who you need to kill with just this blurry picture."

"Uh, sure, yeah," Barry said.

"I also want his briefcase," Moron said. "It has something that belongs to me."

"Technically it isn't yours," Feige said. "He won it fair and square."

"No," Moron said, looking at Feige. "I am sure he cheated and ran off with the money I was supposed to win."

Feige turned to Barry. "He's just a sore loser, he almost won at the game show called _The Super Eggs of Cards_, but Rian won instead."

"He cheated I tell you!" Moron growled.

"Whatever you say, man," Feige said.

"Barry will be off as soon as he can," Fooks said.

"Thank you very much, sirs," Moron said. Moron and Fooks stood up from their seats and shook hand and paw.

Barry had a feeling he wasn't going to like this assignment one bit.

!

Barry drove his Swumpy brand car around on Octopus Street. In pursuit of the vehicle of his mark.

Barry trailed his mark silently and carefully. The vehicle took a turn into a parking lot, and parked. The lot looked mostly empty.

Barry waited just outside the entrance of the lot. He watched as Rian Johnson exited the vehicle and walked towards a building with the sign "Voluptuous RP Class".

Barry waited for him to enter, and once he did Barry drove his car into a parking space.

Barry exited his car. He had a silenced Opra grade pistol concealed in his cap. Whatever was in the building wouldn't get in the way of him offing cheater.

Barry walked up to the building, and opened it slowly.

After he opened it wide enough to poke his head in, he realized a lot could potentially get in his way of offing his mark. A whole school of fish- not fish- were piled around the door and they were speaking like crazy. None of them seemed to have noticed him.

"No, I am Megan Blakemore," a small duck monster said.

"Oh, okay," said a pretty and colorful bird monster. "I guess you get your first point, but I still win with my six points."

"You always win, Shall," Duck Boy said.

There were two doors in the inside that seemed to be locked, and Barry just took a minute to think about why this building had a doorway that led to another doorway. It's not like it gets cold in California- does it?

Barry then spotted his mark, who was talking to a teenaged Boss Monster girl with a pretty red bow on her head. She wore a black dress. Rian Johnson wore blue jeans and an orange shirt- wait, he was wearing more than one shirt.

Barry closed the door silently. He thought about his next move for a full four minutes, when suddenly a woman's voice yelled for everyone that gathered inside.

"Alright, let's start the class now! Sorry for the wait."

"That's alright," a female voice said; it sounded like the Boss Monster girl.

"Anyway, let's move!" The first woman's voice announced.

Lots of footsteps sounded about. Barry waited for the footsteps to die down, before he opened the door again.

Barry looked around, and when he was sure it was safe to enter he did. The door in front of him opened suddenly, and Barry fought the reflex to pull his gun from his hat.

"Oh hi there," Rian Johnson said, with a smile.

"Uh, hi," Barry said.

"I think I left my book here," Rian said.

"There is no book," Barry said.

"Okay, but I was sure I left it here," Rian said.

Barry looked around him, nothing. Then Barry realized he didn't look up, so he did.

A book was stuck to the ceiling.

"Is that your book?" Barry asked, pointing up.

"Yeah!" Rian said, excited. He jumped up and almost got it, but he missed narrowly.

Rian looked at Barry, and Barry was sure Rian was thinking about something he wouldn't like.

"How about you get on my head?" Rian asked.

"Uh, no."

"Please," Rian said.

_Well... I guess I should at least do this for him before I kill him._

Barry was unsure why he was willing to help his mark retrieve his book, but he decided it wouldn't hurt.

Rian helped lift Barry on his shoulders. Barry reached up, and motioned for Rian to jump a little. Rian jumped way higher than he wanted and Barry hit his head on the book, which unstuck it soon after. The book fell on Barry's swelling head, and then fell to the ground.

Rian put Barry down. "Thanks, man!" Rian picked up the book. "I wonder where the metallic sound came from?" Rian asked no one in particular.

Barry patted his hat, and didn't say anything.

"So, are you thinking of taking the Chushingno's role-playing class?" Rian asked.

"Mmm, no," Barry said. "I was just looking around."

"Just looking around is no fun, you're missing out," Rian said. "It's more than just a class, think of it as a club where we all learn as a family."

Barry thought about that. "That does sound pretty good."

"And it is! Do you think you want to join now?"

"Uh, I didn't fill out a form or anything..."

"That's fine, you can right now!" Rian said, and he pulled out a piece of paper that looked like a form. "There is exactly one person that can join now, all you have to do is answer the questions."

"What if I answer them wrong?" Barry asked.

"You probably won't, because only six people have been rejected so far."

Rian looked at his watch. "Sorry, but I have to go. I will leave you this candy bar though."

Rian handed Barry a chocolate bar that felt really melted in the inside of the wrapper. Then he hugged Barry.

After he pulled away, he said: "Bye, buddy!" Then he opened to door to the inside and entered.

Barry stood there, and wasn't sure how to react.

The door opened again, and Rian poked his head out. "I think you'd like Shall We Read, and I believe she would like you." Then he was gone again.

Barry thought about the pretty bird monster he had seen minutes ago, and she did look great, but he wondered why he would like her.

Barry opened the candy bar up, and bit into it. It tasted amazing. A ton of thoughts rushed into Barry's head, and he knew he'd be coming back tomorrow, but maybe the murder could wait.


	4. Chapter 4: Mendura and Climb

Chapter 4: Mendura and Climb.

Climb marched toward Mendura's office, with the intent of kicking open the very describable door. When he made it that's exactly what he did.

The door swung open from his kick, got ripped from it's hinges and landed on Mendura's desk.

_Oops._

Mendura raised a furry eyebrow. She was a brown foxlike monster wearing the red uniform of the Satan County Police. Climb never liked the name, but it was established many wild years ago, so he didn't complain.

"That's the sixth door you have broken this month," Mendura said. "You are going to get broke paying for the hinges."

"I'm just glad I can break them," Climb said. Then he sat down, on the door. He slid down and hurt his shoulder.

"I read a book about a very aspiring and intelligent detective, he was a human like you," Mendura said. "A shame that you can't live up to that."

"I am better than any Sherwood Bolmes," Climb said, getting up. "I have blond hair."

Mendura let out a slight and brief chuckle, and then her expression went back to her normal look, which bordered on a condescending one.

She reached into her desk and pulled out a document. She handed it to Climb.

He read it. "An opposer of the Good Faith has emerged to undermine our tight jeans-"

"No, that's the wrong one, sorry," Mendura said, and she handed him a new document.

He read it. "A lust murderer has emerged to murder us for lecherous intent. Reports state that the individual is a human man, and that's all we know. Last sighting was on Troubleday last week, in Soup Park."

Climb lowered the document to look at Mendura. "Well... that's not so bad."

She rolled her eyes. "You skipped the casualty count."

"There has been seven confirmed victims from this fiend, all dead," Climb read. "That still doesn't seem that bad."

"Do you want me to shoot you?" Mendura asked, and Climb couldn't tell if she was serious or not.

"We need to shoot this guy," Climb said with conviction. Then he saw Mendura's look on her face. "Er, I mean we don't kill him, we apprehend him and take him to the slammer."

"Also, did you hear about Maisie?" Mendura asked.

"No, I haven't heard from her in a year," Climb said.

"She was one of the victims."

Climb was stunned. He didn't know how to take it in.

"You won't take assignment personally, will you?" Mendura asked.

"What, you mean we're assigned to him?" Despite what he said earlier he wasn't sure they would do this, especially since Climb was very new.

"Yes, that's why I gave you the document, I thought you understood?"

"No, I did," Climb said, and then after a short pause he said this: "I will not take this personally."

"Good."

"She was a bitch anyway," Climb said, and he turned away.

"That's what you said about your sweet mother when she passed away," Mendura said as he left.

Climb didn't say anything. He just walked out of her office and closed the- he didn't close the door.

_Shit, I forgot I did that._

!

Moron Paasar punched in the number with his paw.

The phone rang for a little, and then someone picked up.

"I am not feeling too well, so keep this brief," the voice said.

"Officer," Moron said. "Do you want to be a Hero?"


End file.
